THE HUM OF NASCAR MAKES ME SLEEPY… AND THE DARK CLOUDY RAINY DAYS MAKE IT HARD TO STAY AWAKE.

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/0,,SB111473379074820285-IRjgoNilaB4nJ2ubX2Ib66Am5,00.html

FOR THOSE WHO COULDN’T ATTEND THE BOUT LAST FRIDAY – http://www.ninarich.net/derbygame2

I’M SO CONFUSED. I CAN’T SEEL THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IN THIS JOURNEY… OR SEARCH… OR WHATEVER IT IS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S REAL AND WHAT’S NOT, AND WHICH WAY I’M GOING. IT’S HARD TO INTERPRET SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. I’M NOT SURE HOW I’M EVEN MAKING MY OWN DECISIONS THESE DAYS… IT’S NOT CLEAR, TO ANYONE. AND I DON’T HAVE AN ANSWERS, JUST QUESTIONS. IF I THREW THIS ALL BACK IN HER FACE, I WONDER WHAT SHE WOULD SAY… IF ANYTHING. YET, I STILL THINK THERE IS SOME FORWARD PROGRESSION, AND I JUST NEED TO BE PATIENT.

I FEEL SO ALONE SOME DAYS. EVEN WHEN I HAVE PEOPLE AROUND ME. I DON’T KNOW WHY. IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? OR IS IT THEM? I CAN’T SEEM TO CONNECT WITH ANYONE THESE DAYS, EXCEPT FOR PEOPLE I ALREADY KNOW. IT’S HARD. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A SOUL WHICH NEEDS TO SURVIVE ON ITS OWN, BUT I’M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT.