I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING. AND I ALWAYS FIND MY SELF DOWN THIS ROAD WHEN IT COMES TO MY SOCIAL LIFE. EVEN WHEN I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYONE TO FILL THE VOID, I FIND SOMEONE WHO COULD AND IT’S JUST GOING TO LEAD TO MORE CRAP DOWN THE ROAD. NO WONDER I ENJOY WORKING SO MUCH, I CAN FORGET ABOUT ALL THIS OTHER SHIT. IT’S PRETTY CLEAR THIS ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN, AND IT’S FAIRLY SCREWED. BUT, MOST OF IT WAS WAS MENTAL FOR ME, WHICH IS HARDER TO DEAL WITH, BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T EVEN SEEM TO REALIZE IT’S HER AND OUR SITUATION MAKING MISTER POOPIE PANTS. IT’S THE BASIC CONFLICTS AND SUCH WHICH I’M NOT USED TO… I MEAN, HER SMELL IS STILL IN MY BED FROM THIS WEEKEND, WHICH IS JUST HARD TO GET PAST. IT’S LIKE HAVING A GIRLFRIEND YOU CAN’T EXPRESS ANY OF YOUR EMOTIONS WITH. IT SUCKS. WHAT’S ADDITIONAL FRUSTRATING WAS I REALLY WASN’T LOOKING… AND THIS CAME ABOUT… AND IN THE END, IT WAS NOTHING. IT JUST FURTHER MAKES IT DIFFICULT FOR ME TO SELF CONFIDENCE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND THE MOTIVATION TO EVEN TRY AND HAVE ONE. I JUST HOPE SHE GETS WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS, AND SHE’S HAPPY IN THE END. AND CLEARLY, I WON’T BE.

DRAMA. I LIVE FOR IT. NOT REALLY. ALL THINGS ARE GOOD. GOT A LOT OF EMAIL FROM EVERYONE LATELY. AND I’VE BEEN HORRIBLE AT REPLYING. I GET TO IT… EVENTUALLY. YOU THINK WHEN YOU’RE HOUSEMATE IS TELLING YOUR CLIENTS TO NOT GIVE YOU SO MUCH WORK BECAUSE YOU ARE WORN OUT IS A BAD SIGN? I GUESS I NEED A BREAK. BUT, IT’S SO HARD TO, I SAID YES TO A LOT OF PEOPLE AND WANT TO HELP OUT. AND THE EXTRA MONEY DOESN’T HURT EITHER. LOVE LIFE *MIGHT* BE CHANGING SOON… NOT SURE… IT’S ONE OF THOSE CAN’T TELL KIND OF THINGS. EITHER WAY, I’M HAVING A BLAST WITH HER. JUST GOING TO LET IT ROCK AND ROLL AND SEE WHERE THE TOUR BUS STOPS NEXT!

POTENTIAL LEAD IN THE LOVE/SOCIAL LIFE DEPARTMENT… TRYING TO MAINTAIN A LEVEL HEAD, AND SOME PATIENCE. SHE’S A GREAT LITTLE LADY… AND SHE DOES MY HAIR FOR ME. WE’VE SPENT THE LAST FEW NIGHTS TOGETHER, BUT, SHE SAYS SHE’S A NON-DATER. I GUESS SHE JUST WANTS TO ‘HANG OUT’ A LOT… DUNNO. WE’LL SEE.

STAR WARS FANS – http://www.michielveenstra.nl/misc/liningup.wav – DUDE. GO HOME. IT’S OVER A MONTH AWAY! OH, IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND DUTCH, THIS GUY MIKE FROM VERONICA FM IS TALKING ABOUT THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE WAITING IN LINE TO SEE STAR WARS 3 IN LOS ANGELES. HE FOUND OUT, LIKE MANY OTHER PEOPLE, THE PHONE NUMBER OF THE PUBLIC PHONE NEAR THE PEOPLE IN LINE. AND, WHILE ON THE AIR, HE TELLS THE LISTENERS HE’S GOING TO CALL AND SEE IF ANYONE PICKS UP…. ODD. OH, HERE’S THE NUMBER, IN CASE YOU WANT SOMEONE TO DRUNK DIAL – 001 323 462-9609 (DROP THE ’00’ IF DIALING FROM THE US)

MORE PHOTOS – http://wubbahed.com/photos/redsoxgame