I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING. AND I ALWAYS FIND MY SELF DOWN THIS ROAD WHEN IT COMES TO MY SOCIAL LIFE. EVEN WHEN I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYONE TO FILL THE VOID, I FIND SOMEONE WHO COULD AND IT’S JUST GOING TO LEAD TO MORE CRAP DOWN THE ROAD. NO WONDER I ENJOY WORKING SO MUCH, I CAN FORGET ABOUT ALL THIS OTHER SHIT. IT’S PRETTY CLEAR THIS ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN, AND IT’S FAIRLY SCREWED. BUT, MOST OF IT WAS WAS MENTAL FOR ME, WHICH IS HARDER TO DEAL WITH, BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T EVEN SEEM TO REALIZE IT’S HER AND OUR SITUATION MAKING MISTER POOPIE PANTS. IT’S THE BASIC CONFLICTS AND SUCH WHICH I’M NOT USED TO… I MEAN, HER SMELL IS STILL IN MY BED FROM THIS WEEKEND, WHICH IS JUST HARD TO GET PAST. IT’S LIKE HAVING A GIRLFRIEND YOU CAN’T EXPRESS ANY OF YOUR EMOTIONS WITH. IT SUCKS. WHAT’S ADDITIONAL FRUSTRATING WAS I REALLY WASN’T LOOKING… AND THIS CAME ABOUT… AND IN THE END, IT WAS NOTHING. IT JUST FURTHER MAKES IT DIFFICULT FOR ME TO SELF CONFIDENCE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND THE MOTIVATION TO EVEN TRY AND HAVE ONE. I JUST HOPE SHE GETS WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS, AND SHE’S HAPPY IN THE END. AND CLEARLY, I WON’T BE.